Dear Parents

As parents and educators, we naturally want the very best for our children. We want them to flourish academically, to make first teams, to perform on stage, and to discover and develop their gifts. Healthy striving, commitment, discipline, and excellence are all deeply worthwhile pursuits. At Woodridge Preparatory, we believe strongly in encouraging children to pursue their potential with courage and enthusiasm. But an important question quietly sits beneath all of this: What are our children hearing us praise most loudly?

Are they hearing that they are valued primarily for what they achieve? Or are they hearing that they are valued for who they are becoming? There is a profound difference between the two. Recent research around child development and wellbeing warns of what some psychologists are calling a “toxic achievement culture” — an environment where children begin to believe that their value is conditional upon performance. When praise and affirmation become tied almost exclusively to outcomes, children can slowly internalise the belief that success equals worthiness and failure equals inadequacy.

The danger is not in encouraging excellence. The danger lies in narrowing our definition of success. One of the most powerful ideas I encountered recently is the concept of “mattering” — the belief children hold that they are valued, significant, and loved regardless of outcomes. Children who know they matter deeply to the adults in their lives are far more resilient when setbacks come. And setbacks will come. 

A disappointing result. Not making the A team. Falling short of a goal. Struggling socially. Losing confidence. Experiencing failure. 

These moments are not interruptions to childhood; they are part of the formation of character. As adults, we have the opportunity to help shape how children interpret these experiences. Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset reminds us that children flourish when...

To continue reading, please download the newsletter HERE.